Wasted Ink

In Search Of The Imaginary Sleeping Pill ....

2007-07-27T10:37:19Z

Resting heart rate: 98.

Once again my obtuse agoraphobic sense has hit me, though the feeling is a little weaker than I will allow myself to believe.

I'm terrified of leaving my house for reasons not entirely known to me at the moment.

It's four in the morning and I can't sleep. I've tried to lie down and force myself to sleep, but every time I close my eyes I can see my pulse thumping fast and hard against the lids of my eyes. Don't worry - I'm not trying to be poetic here - anxiety is anything but poetic most of the time.

On the subject of poetry, I have to admit that I doubt I could write a good piece of it, even (and especially) if I tried. Now that we've cleared that up ...

Resting heart rate: 77.

Perhaps if I focus everything I've got on this, my pulse will slow. Maybe if I could just remember that all is right I wouldn't feel so overwrought at the trifles that only exist at four in the morning. What would be a useful expedient for sleep? I wonder if I ask too many questions.

Think poetry... Think long, mundane, wildlife poetry. Perhaps something written about birds....

Resting heart rate: 71.

That feels much better.

Random Ramblings...

2007-07-17T04:15:31Z

I am absolutely bewildered at the way that sugar substitutes never seem to completely dissolve in iced beverages. You end up sucking bland coffee through a straw one minute and a hefty mouthful of much-too-sweetness the next. It's nothing short of a perplexity.

A woman sitting at a near-distant table had her tea served to her a few moments ago. A smile on her face, the cup set in front of her, then she claps, following her applause with a meek "Yay!" Perhaps we shouldn't give something as insignificant as a cup of hot tea an audible ovation? Perhaps I should tell her that there is something outright creepy about a forty-something-year-old woman clapping at her tea? I'd offer her a popsicle if I had one.

I feel vulnerable and a little paranoid being out after dark without wearing bug spray. West Nile and all. I kinda feel ballsy, like I'm living on the edge. I'm also beginning to feel a little pathetic about the whole thing - that I even worry about such things.

You know you're from way out-of-town when you describe your tattoos as being written in "Greek" and the guy you're talking to thinks you said "Green." You also know you're from way out-of-town when the girl standing next to him asks if you're a teacher because you know Greek. I didn't feel it appropriate to go into the problems surrounding international language barriers.

I have been seriously considering moving to Africa to do mission work. I figure I've spread my smug wit more than enough around here. Why not grace another country with my cheery, sun-shiny disposition, right?

Nothing more runs through my head at the moment.

Talk about beating a once-innocent LJ post to a pulp. Jeez.

If Horse Hair Could Talk ...

2007-07-03T05:26:08Z

Today I was confronted with the terrible reality that most of my inner circle is made-up of what I like to call "Non-Readers."

This realization struck me during a pathetic and painful conversation that took place while in line with a girlfriend at the local Starbucks. We will call said girlfriend "C".  While waiting to order, my friend and I were cast into banter with the loser guy standing in line behind us.  Our conversation went a little something like this:

LOSER GUY: (Addressing my friend) So, have you read The Da Vinci Code?

C: (Utterly confused) The what?

LOSER GUY: The Da Vinci Code. It's only, like, the best book ever written! And I read a lot of books, so I would know!

C: (Flirtatiously laughs)  Oh, I thought you were talking about some new coffee drink.

ME: Oh, dear God.

LOSER GUY: (Turns to me) Have you ever read it? You look like a, well ya' know, a reader.

(Long pause...)

ME: Yeah, I wore my reading shirt today. I was wondering if someone would take notice.

LOSER GUY: (Looks at my shirt like a fucking idiot) I like your clothes.   Your outfit totally says "I'm really smart!"

ME: (Mortified)

LOSER GUY: (Turns back to "C") They made the book into a movie.  You guys can come to my house and watch it if you want. I own it.

C: (Seriously considering the offer) Well ... I don't know. It sounds scary .... I don't really like scary movies. If I watch them before I go to bed, I'll have nightmares for a week!

????

I'll be marking her off my list of "People To Buy Books For."

I am tempted to create a Litmus Test for my friends. Those who fail to pass will receive a consolation gift basket consisting of a coloring book, a box of crayons (the "jumbo" kind), and a juice box.

I'm baaaack ....

2007-07-02T23:43:49Z

Hey fuckers! At long last, I've decided to come back to LiveJournal just to harass all of you.

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Goodnight.......

2005-02-23T23:45:57Z

It's been pleasant.

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=Aspens_write

Eight-inch heel delight.......

2005-02-23T07:47:29Z

My daily zen came from nothing more than talking to my best friend in New Orleans for two hours, deciding that breasts are indeed strange, and realizing while looking over my credit card statement that I have a bizarre obsession with stripper shoes. If only I would have found the ambition to purchase a deadly weapon, I'd say this was one of my better days.

I would elaborate on all of that, but somehow I don't think I have to.

And don't say anything about murder..... it's over rated.

2005-02-20T04:45:15Z

If you woke up and I was in bed with you, what would be your first thought?

Octave Mirbeau would deem me a goddamn genius...which isn't saying much.

2005-02-19T06:38:57Z

So, I've learned a great deal of completely meaningless information about myself today:

1. Thanks to the University of Cambridge, I could move to London if I really wanted to endure the torture that is the UK.

2. Making a promise not to ever ingest anything parasitic is a virtual impossibility.

3. I can make Aussie Chicken without setting myself on fire.

4. Bush really stresses me out (and not that kind of bush, you fucking perverts).

and lastly,

5. Ninjas, though stealthy and a tad bit annoying, always drink for free.

....

Don't worry...

None of it made any sense to me either.

Clumsy-ass Motherfucker....

2005-02-17T22:29:34Z

I should not be allowed near sharp objects. Or even blunt objects. I should live in a padded room with a big pile of donuts and porn.

I keep getting hurt.

First, I walked into an edge of Plexiglas and cut my ankle, I've repeatedly walked into my nightstand (which has left my right leg looking like it has gangrene from all the bruises), I slammed my elbow on a door frame this morning and, just a minute ago, I was in the shower shaving my legs and I somehow twisted my wrist the wrong way and now my knee is bleeding and stinging like a motherfucker.

Sexy, huh?

I'm just waiting to fall down the stairs.

You can always trust me to have a sunny disposition, cancha?

2005-02-16T06:03:46Z

I thought it would be a good idea to throw a Valentine's Day party.

I was wrong.

I realized the consequence of my decision shortly after midnight when, from my bathroom, I hear a group of people moaning, pounding, and breaking things.

As people began to wake up this morning, I made it very clear to all of them that I wouldn't step foot in my bathroom until someone cleaned the floor, which appeared to blotched with mystery spots.

At this late hour, I still haven't been able to use my damn bathroom.

Un relatedly, I've managed to hit an all time low in healthy decision making:

I put twenty-four sugar packets into my Starbucks coffee this afternoon. And I drank the whole damn thing.

If I happen to develop a terrible case of diabetes and drop dead atop a thirty-pound pile of sugar, just know that I hated you all.

Dance..........

2005-02-14T07:48:39Z

Seer

The ULTIMATE personality test
brought to you by Quizilla

Why the hell do I always get roped into taking these damn quizzes?

And it was a James Dean one too!

2005-02-10T22:07:18Z

In the past twenty-four hours, I've collectively spent fifteen of said hours doing a 2000 piece puzzle.

Damn it feels good to be a gangsta.

Round two....

2005-02-10T01:26:53Z

My brother and I spent the greater part of the afternoon trying to finish production on his musical project.

If I hear his two songs once more, I'm going to hack my head off.

Audio coming soon thanks to soopageek.

Last nights' recording session....

2005-02-08T05:03:13Z

My brother and I:

Poptarts anyone?

2005-02-06T21:00:10Z

My brother got into town yesterday.

We got drunk and blew up sticks of dynamite that he purchased from some road-side fireworks vendor in New Mexico.

The police were called at three in the morning, but we fled the scene.

It was marvelous.

Al ain't got nothin' on me....

2005-02-04T23:52:38Z

I did my taxes.

The boredom and utter seriousness of it could not interest me less.

Which is why under "Your Occupation" it says "Lion Tamer (roar)".

I wanted to write "Futuretronic Revolutionary Hooker" but I thought they might investigate that.

Because all of this will be on the final exam.....

2005-02-04T04:08:59Z

You know what will really fuck up your day?

Your mom comparing sex to Thanksgiving dinner.

Just try and get anything done after that.

Redemption: I got a Black Lab today.

I shall name him Poe, and he shall be mine, and he shall be my Poe.

While we're on the subject of me......

2005-02-03T06:20:28Z

Due to some uncontrollable circumstances, I am distracted and unable to write.....

And we all know that writers' block makes me a little homicidal.

So I'm taking a break and taking back my quiz from insideyourhead, which was originally inspired by tourniquet113

You wanna hear it? Here it goes....

{name} Aspen
{born} 01/23/1980
{born in} Biloxi, MS
{resides in} Denver, CO
{eyes} blue
{hair} blonde
{height} 5'9"
{shoe size} who the hell came up with this question?

LAST TIME YOU...

{had a nightmare} it's been a while
{ate} few hours ago
{exercised} snowboarding on my b-day
{dyed your hair} few months ago
{brushed your hair} braids require no brushing
{washed your hair} three days ago
{checked your e-mail} an hour ago
{cried} can't remember. It's been a while
{slept} Last night
{called someone} about an hour ago
{went to the mall} the other day
{giggled} I don't giggle
{smiled} today
{laughed} today

DO YOU...

{smoke} Absolutely
{do drugs} not anymore
{drink} who doesn't?
{cheat} I have in the past
{have sex} even when I'm tired.
{sleep with stuffed animals} not since I was twelve
{have a boyfriend/girlfriend} Uh, a little more than that.
{have a dream that keeps coming back} yeah, but it's all good shit
{play an instrument} piano - all the time
{believe there is life on other planets} from what I've seen on this fucking planet, I certainly hope life exists on others.
{remember your first love} yes, and we're still in love with each other.
{read the newspaper} every damn day, and quite frankly it's getting a little depressing
{consider love a mistake} only if you fall in love with someone who should be killed
{like the taste of alcohol} depends on the time of day
{pray} all the fucking time, and He wants me to leave Him alone.
{go to church} Haven't been in about a month
{have any pets} my dog and sometimes my brother, when he's in town
{wear hats} Rarely
{have an obsession} writing, writing, writing, writing, writing, writing, writing.....
{have a secret crush} Well if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?
{collect anything} not consciously
{like your handwriting} sure, but thanks to technology and transcribers, I rarely have to use it
{have any bad habits} I'm certain I do
{believe in witches} no
{believe in ghosts} only on Tuesdays and bank holidays
{steal} I stole once, when I was eight.

CURRENT...

{dress} jeans, white t-shirt, no bra
{mood} pretty fucking mellow
{music} Sneaker Pimps
{taste} Fat Tire
{hair} wherever it wants to go
{annoyance} none
{smell} cigarettes and my perfume
{book} The Torture Garden
{fingernail color} black
{refreshment} Fat Tire
{worry} I don't worry about much these days
{favorite celebrity} That one guy that I wanna fuck
{date} February 2, 2005

LAST PERSON...

{you talked to} Aaron
{you hugged} Aaron
{you instant messaged} I haven't IM'd in years
{you yelled at} I don't put myself in the position to yell these days, but if I had to answer I would have to say that Vegas guy
{who broke your heart} my brother, when he moved back to Arizona
{you kissed} Aaron, and I'm still melting all over the place
{looked at} Aaron (Try and quell your surprise)
{you called} Gilana

FAVORITE...

{movie} movies are only good to fuck to
{color} black
{cd} how the hell does one go about answering that question?
{candy} baklava. It's not exactly candy to us, but to the Jews? Well, I'm not going into that.
{animal} my dog when he decides to shut the fuck up
{tv show} I don't watch enough TV to accurately answer this question
{ice cream} I haven't eaten ice cream since my son's sixth birthday party almost a year ago
{radio station} radio kills
{computer game} I only use this thing to write, fuckers
{cartoon} whatever Draven's into at the time.

That was fucking exhausting.

Back to it.

Education can't get any more entertaining than this.....

2005-02-03T00:35:34Z

Oh the joy that is laughing at someone else's expense.

This afternoon after audio production, on my way out of the UCD studio, I had the pleasure of seeing a girl, completely decked out in designer everything, eat pavement after getting the heel of her boot stuck in a crack in the sidewalk.

She got up, looked around nervously, and put on her *I'm totally sexy* smile for a group of guys who saw the whole thing.

ME: Are you okay? (Trying to keep from laughing)

HER: Yeah, I didn't fall. (Looking at me like I'm the dumb ass)

ME: Uh huh.....

HER: I DIDN'T! I was just trying to pick up my pen.

ME: Looked to me like you were trying to break your ankle.

There was a long pause. Finally, she says, "Oh I get it!" and laughs a little more than she needed to to convince me, then walks away.

I just.... *shaking my head*... I just can't think of anything else to say to that.

........

2005-02-01T17:25:38Z

I lie awake,
I've gone to ground
I'm watching porn,
in my hotel dressing gown
And now I dream of you,
But I still believe,
there's only enough for one,
in this lonely hotel suite

The journey's long,
and I feel so bad
I'm thinking back,
to the last day we had
Old moon fades into the new,
and soon I know I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you

On a clear day,
I'll fly home to you
I'm bending time,
getting back to you
But old moon fades into the new,
and soon I'll be back with you
I'm nearly with you....

Goddamn you, fleeting emotion.

My mind's going down the toilet, one slow flush at a time.....

2005-02-01T02:39:50Z

At Jerusalem Restaurant this evening while waiting in line for my order:

GUY: Did you get any of the baklava? It's delicious.

ME: Yeah, I've eaten nothing but the bakalva for two days now.

GUY: I make a trip all the way from Loveland to get the stuff.

ME: *smiles*

GUY: I like big sacks.

ME: ......?

GUY: I always have to tell them to put it in a bigger bag so it doesn't drip all over the car on the way home.

ME: ...OH! You were talking about carrying bags. Okay.

Things you never wanted to know.....

2005-01-30T22:26:34Z

I went to Bebe today.

While a woman was paying for her scarf, the idiot she was with picked up a blue thong and asked me what it was.

ME: "It's a thong. [You weird-ass motherfucker.]"

IDIOT: "Ooooooh, yeah! It's cool now to have your underwear showing."

Then he literally puffed up with pride and announced, "'Course, I don't wear underwear."

?!?!?!?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

WELL WHO ASKED YOU?

Oh, and to all the self-involved dimwits who write me off as shy based on my unwillingness to have long, chummy conversations with you or even look at you longer than I absolutely have to - let me clarify. I'm not shy. I just silently dislike you and don't think it's conducive to specify my exact feelings on the matter.

Have a nice day, and uh... enjoy those blue thongs.

Severe damage to a Beatles song.....

2005-01-30T01:12:16Z

"Expert textpurt, joking smokers, don't you think the joker laughs at you?..... man you've been a naughty girl - you let your cornhole down"

Zappa zaps ya'........

And you look like a bitch, but looks aren't everything!

2005-01-28T21:28:18Z

My mother told me I looked like a crack addict today.

Nigga please, the correct term is crack whore

"I was faithful to you. Really, I was....."

2005-01-27T22:32:06Z

Kristen and I just finished watching the "Tommy Chronicles".

I haven't watched those tapes in years, but I'm writing a book about the shit (insideyourhead would know) so I had to get some reference.

Kristen certainly had a lot to say about the whole thing, as she normally does, and I think it's pretty safe to admit that I've spent the last two hours laughing so hard my stomach hurts.

Bless you, Tommy. You're such a good liar. Pot and the kettle.

He wastes tape telling me that (and I quote), "If you don't love me forever, I'll destroy the world!" followed by some bullshit about how "boring" some party at Light had been.

The party probably bored him because he couldn't get laid - pay no mind to the fact that he had a girlfriend in Denver. It was perfectly acceptable to have sex with other women, just as long as I didn't find out, which I did anyway.

He was special like that.

I'm thinking about copying the tapes and sending them to every news and cable station, in hopes that someone will play them on TV.

What do you guys think?

Should I do it and destroy some poor schmuck's life?

cynical5679 you're so much fun.

Take the quiz: "Find your IQ (pictures)"

Genius IQ 141 and above
Wow. Your IQ is 141 and above. Meaning you are smart as hell. Intelligence probably runs in your family but you are probably very modest about your intelligence and may down play it to feel like you belong. Rock ON Smart Ass!